Monday, July 28, 2008

Resilience

My love life, my mental health, my duty, my spiritual self, my physical appearance, my wealth, my plans of the future, my here and now, my self worth, my social interactions, my habits, my knowledge, my candor, and the list can go on all have one uncanny link besides being part of me.

I grew up in a "non-normal" childhood. My wealth of knowledge starts simply with the casual passerby in a local bar and restaurant. We had a ballroom or dance hall which was occupied almost every weekend by social gatherings, weddings, and other large parties. I intermingled with strangers, friends and some people who most likely should have been enemies. By the age of 10, I had a firm grasp of how to set a table for multi-course meal and how to perform at such. Well, before that time I could tell you how figure out cost of a beer by either a quarter barrel (pony keg) or a half barrel. I knew the difference between glasses, what they were used, for how many ounces each was, and the importance of the illusions glasses perform on the customer. I learned how operating a business worked and how the text book(which was wrong most of the time) said you were supposed to run that business.

It wasn't until the summer before my eleventh birthday that I truly learned the value of money. My parents had two restaurants, sold the one making less money, and that summer the one left burned to the ground. We lost everything in that fire. Luckily, the fire occurred after everyone had left for the night.

It was different and to me wrong that my parents started enforcing curfews and required me to check periodically throughout the day. This practice was new to me. I never had to check in with anyone before and curfews were for other kids.

Eventually, my parents, through donations and help from family started another restaurant, one that they still have today, in the beginning of my freshman year. This one was a contrast to the others, smaller and we went to a history theme. My dad continued with the job he had at a local construction company until he retired a few years later.

My failure of my attempt at college after high school, which was clearly my fault, where I worked a full time job at a plating company about seventy miles away and also had a full course load. It probably would not have lasted much longer than it did anyway. I joined the Marine Corps. I really needed a change. My scores were high, and after some negotiations I received everything I wanted for my first enlistment.

Since joining I have have been married and divorced three times, mostly for different reasons but still there are common links. I have been deployed seven times. It is eight if you included Japan, but I was stationed there. I have essentially circled the globe four times. I am a shell back and a golden shell back. I have very few personal awards and most of them that I do have are for doing something no one else has done. Now most of those things are common or are becoming more common. I have been hurt badly enough five times to be hospitalized. Most are from electrocutions and I think makes sense since I am an electrician by trade. Up until this last deployment I have been relatively safe and have cause little trouble with the law on my off time for about four years. I suppose I was due.

I will tell you all that, I miss having a partner. But if having one means I have to get married again, you can forget it. Not worth it. With my current injury, I have a very hard time doing some simple tasks. For example, showering hurts tremendously. If I could be satisfied with cleaning only half of my body it would not be problem, but my body needs a total cleaning. I have dishes that need washing, right now a collection from the last week or so. I tried the other day, and it hurt so bad, that I thought maybe if I drugged myself up I could do it closer to painless. Yeah, I felt no pain, but I also stabbed myself and didn't feel that either. I stopped when the water was a deep red color. Now my dishes sit waiting.

I really don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't. I just need some help to get me through this. I try not to ask the same person over and over again. I feel it is mostly stupid stuff and that is why it pisses me off. Tomorrow, I go back to work. It should be interesting and I am sure there will be plenty of paperwork to do. I feel I should have no problem with it, fore I have typed this with my right hand and my left index finger.

I have been through a lot in my short lifetime. I know that I have a lot to still go through.

Thank you to all who have helped with this injury and past injuries. I could not and can not go through all of this alone. I can't begin to tell you all how much I appreciate what help I have received, even if it is only talking with God.
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