I have to admit I don't talk about to many mushy items in this blog. Things here tend to be on the "manly man" side. Someone had brought up an interesting point to me and it relates to the word love.
Let's start off with I love my Mom, Dad, and my Brother. I love my Brother's family. This love is the type of love that only families really can have.
Then my degrees of love take a sharp turn downward. My amount of love has gotten smaller and smaller with each divorce and ending relationship I had. So much so, the very definition of love has lost its meaning. I sometimes wonder why I even said vows to these women, obviously it didn't mean anything to them. I wonder if there was an attachment displayed as envy and love was never a factor or they were just coveting the marriage/relationship of another and wanted to be better than someone else.
I believe that each relationship(at least the marriages) were salvageable. In each instance, I put my good foot forward(since my first marriage) to resolve the problems or difference to save the relationship. Never worked, just prolonged the inevitable that they had set in motion.
I don't consider being a Marine as a major factor since I have been a Marine first and longer any of the relationships lasted. I am sure it played a role. My order of importance has been Children, God, Country, Corps, Wife/Girlfriend and this has not changed. I have always been up front with this. I mention it because I recall a time when it was brought up as an excuse on why the marriage failed. She was upset I put her kid in front of her during an emergency situation. Wacky, I know.
I am not saying I can not love. I am just saying that I have built a pretty big wall around me and to get through will take some time.